Free Writing:
Writing down ideas for my reading response assignment. I so relate to Alice Walker, in the story “Beauty: When the other dancer is self” I know I'm my worst critique. I'm constantly talking negative thoughts to myself and talking my self out of things. “For six years I do not stare at anyone, because I do not raise my head” I so relate to this, I hate to raise my head, I don't want to look at anyone, I'm so scared they will see my insecurity, my doubt in myself. My confidence has been torn away from me, my father always criticized me, you did not so this, you did this wrong, you did not do this. All my life I never felt good enough. I was 8 years old and a tomboy, I have a cowboy hat, cowboy boots checkered shirt and pants” I relate to this I was my daddy's little girl. I wanted to do everything my dad did.Growing up in grade school I had confidence, I was a tomboy always keeping up with the boys. “ Then the teenage years set in, boy did that change. I met my ex husband several years after this a person just like my father. I was told you are stupid, fat, ugly those words still burn in my ears today. After so long you believe those things. He finally finds his beauty queen our neighbor.After the divorce I see myself as fat, stupid, I take my ex husbands harsh words to heart. I thought you had dealt with the past. I remember. I'm out to re build my self esteem find new friends and start life over. The parells to this story people probably don't look at you the way you think they do. Beauty is only skin deep. What matter is what is on the inside. Worry about what people think of me has made me miss seeing the desert. I forget to live life because I'm always worried about what people think trying to please everyone. I am grateful for what I have went through in life, it has changed me, made me stronger. It still hurts from time to time. I ask myself did this time change me yes it did. It seems we are harder on our selves than the world ever could be.
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